My first child…my boy… is suffering. First boy children in some Lebanese families suffer. They are struggling. There are issues of dependency, of emotional separation, of mother’s image, of father’s authority. It can sound normal, but it is way more exaggerated in our society.
We are responsible
We have been raised with certain values that we are afraid to lose irrespective of the changes around us. We want to make sure we transmit them, we keep them, and we keep seeing them in our kids.
We have old images, old painting in our minds. We are just polishing them through our children; highlighting the same lines, the same figures… we still want to make sure that everybody is happy and pleased… we just keep caring for this everybody to find our kids nice, smart, beautiful… but not impressive. Not impressive because they don’t have their unique features, their touch, and their intelligence …we make sure they lose them. We make sure we dilute these unique traits so they diffuse well in the mass.
We raise our children in very narrow imaginary spaces. They don’t have their free margin to create, to imagine, to dream, to fly. They don’t have the luxury to be bored, to be inquisitive, to take the slow time to discover things alone, to detect problems and follow their slow rhythm to find gradually the solutions.… we judge them, we overprotect them, we make sure they have everything, we make sure they follow the norms, they fit in the society, in the common perceived reality. We are afraid to let them go, always afraid, we inhibit them; we limit them to our experience, our preferences, and our desires.
We stop living when we have kids. We just live for them. We love them. We over love them till this dose becomes toxic, till they are suffocating from this love….they run away. They don’t just leave their parents’ home, they run away. They run from themselves, from all the detail we don’t stop focusing on, they run away from us.
Boys' brains are highly affected by their parents at early young age. In fact, their parents love and care, time spent with them, “watch outs”, “should or shouldn’t” make them extremely polite, introvert, very conscientious, lacking spontaneity, courage and self-confidence. They are very smart; they take steps back to protect themselves, to stay safe, to be always aware of what is the right thing to do at the right moment and right place.
It satisfies the parent’s selfishness to protect the child, to see him happy, successful, in risk free situations. It spares parents pain, separation, failings and fears not to have done enough.
Aren’t these parents’ love and care that will give the child the strength to move on, to overcome difficult time, to build a strong shell? Isn’t this the time when we should teach them patience, love, imagination, help them live this great childhood world of imagination before they are going to be hit by reality? Isn’t this the time to handle their fears and to ease their pain? Isn’t this, the time to spend with them, laugh, play, trace the limits and set the disciplines? Aren’t these imperfections and irregularities that will make them stronger ready to freely face life challenges? One day, true…they will run away but at least we know that they carry tons of love, of true feelings. They will keep on reminding everyone that all the morals did not fade away but still make each one of us special and valuable. They will still have their precious talents and find the time to explore them. Then, at one moment, the “everybody” will spot them, will point at them saying: “what an authentic heart standing in the field of great men!”